Monday, May 26, 2008

Purgatory or hell?

What a hellish day it's been. First, I couldn't' sleep last night so I decided to go ahead and move up to the 3rd dose of Minocycline a day early. I have to time it just right-in between drinking milk (which I love) and taking supplements/probiotics. Plus I can't lay down 30 minutes after taking it. I took the Minocycline at 12:30 a.m. and finally got to sleep about 2. I had really weird dreams.

I woke up to the sound of my neighbor talking to some stranger. I got up and looked out the window and saw my neighbor talking to what looked like a blond "party girl" and her friend who was wearing grey sweat pants with the work PINK stamped on the butt in large pink letters. I was feeling a little shaky and off balance most likely side effects from the Minocycline. I shouldn't have done what I did next but...

I flew out into the living room where Daphne was peacefully drinking tea and working on her laptop. I said we have to talk the woman out of moving in here! Our noisy neighbors moved out yesterday. It's such a relief. They are really nice people but big partiers who constantly played loud music. We were hoping for some nice regular neighbors that we could potentially become friends with.

Anyway, Daphne calmly replied Joan is already trying to talk her out of it. Apparently Daphne had been eavesdropping on the whole thing. Well that wasn't good enough for me so I hastily put on some sweat pants, a sweatshirt, and shakily negotiated the stairs. I opened the door and was about to open the screen door to get the newspaper when blondie suddenly spotted me. Hi! She said. "What's your name" she asks a bit too cheerily. "mine's Laura!" I said my name is .... She proceeds to ask how long I've lived there. I'm standing there with my hair a mess, face pale, wobbly, and dressed like a homeless person. My voice has little expression. By this time I realize I shouldn't have even opened the door as I'm just not in a place to deal with the world. She asked if I like living here. I found myself telling her that it's too loud and that the people who live right behind where she is considering living play their music very loud. She asks "oh, you mean like live music?" Oh my god I'm thinking to myself. This is not working. "No it's not live music. I hear my voice getting a bit curt. "you mean like the radio?" she asks again. I guess it's like the radio. It's just loud music. I realize this has become a stupid conversation and try to turn around to leave. I also desperately hope she won't move in here because she seems like a dumb, spoiled, clueless, party girl. As I turn around to leave I hear her ask "are there any problems doing laundry here?" Glad for another chance to discourage her I say "yes. It's really hard to do laundry. There's only one machine for ALL the people who live in this complex." "Oh that's ok she says (STILL CHEERY), the laundromat is just down the street."

She leaves and my neighbor comes out of her apartment and tells me that she doesn't like this woman. I don't either. I usually don't have such a strong reaction of dislike to people. Far from it in fact but I had a bad feeling about this woman. We'll see.

Today has been really bad. I have felt awful. My anxiety has been through the roof. At one point I was sure I needed to go to the ER but talked myself down remembering what my doctor had told me about the swelling in my brain. I've had pain on my right side underneath the rib cage near liver/gall bladder. Thank goodness it's gone now. I've also felt sick to my stomach, somewhat faint and have no appetite. I won't take any Minocycline tonight. It was too intense today. There are 2 clues as to when I'm feeling really really bad. I can't talk about it and I can't listen to music. I tried forcing myself to talk about how I was feeling but couldn't. Of course that just amped my anxiety because I thought to myself oh no I can' t talk about it that means it's really bad, and I can't even force myself to talk about it, that means it's worse than I thought!

Tomorrow has got to be better.

2 comments:

Daphne said...

I think you need some chocolate cake and snuggles. That's my prescription (and I'm not even a nurse yet! How about that?)...

cfswarrior said...

Dear Daphne,

Your comments r real nice and all but...who are you?