Yesterday I woke up with a one-two punch. I felt very groggy and out of it. I knew something was wrong but in my fogged state couldn't figure it out. Suddenly I remembered that I was really ill. Ugh. A couple seconds later I remembered that my mom was dead. Double ugh. It was a horrible moment. I haven't had that experience since the first few days after my mom died. It was like suddenly discovering the two most awful things in my life had occurred.
Last night I dreamt that I was being chased by something?/someone? It was absolutely out to get me. I tried getting away but knew that no matter what I did it would get me. Later on I dreamt that I was in a car that my mom was driving. I had my ipod on and was somehow listening in on a telephone therapy session that a Jungian analyst was doing. The car that my mom and I were in wasn't on the ground but somehow that was normal. She asked me which way I wanted to go. I said no! I didn't want to be interrupted. Next some sort of disaster occurred. Neither my mom or I were involved but we watched as others ran to help the victims.
I'm having lots of dreams so I've decided to begin recording them here. My psyche is processing a lot.
No news on the Valcyte front. I haven't received the medication yet but expect to within the next week. The next task will be to find a compounding pharmacy that can do what I need.
I've been a little more consistant with meditating. I have a CFS CD that I ordered awhile back. I also downloaded something from Deepak Chopra. Both are good. In one of them Deepak demands that disease leaves the body-I like that one. My dad did visualizations when he had prostate cancer. It helped him so I'm doing them too. Anxiety can be a great motivator.
I'm trying not to freak out when I have heart palpitations. I don't have them as often as I used to but I noticed they have increased since taking those damn chinese herbs. I swear those set me back. I also know that acupuncture is not helping me. I'll return next week to talk to the acupuncturist-I feel I owe him that.
I think I need to readjust what I take when. I'm noticing that after I drink my protein shake filled with supplements that I don't feel very well. It might just be the nature of my biorhythms but it's worth a change. This is my current routine:
Wake up between 5 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. I can never get right out of bed-I'm too tired so I lay there for about 30 minutes.
When I get up I take 2 supplements for my adrenal glands: adrenal cortex and adrenal medulla (bovine). I have to take these on an empty stomach.
Then I have 2 glasses of Peet's Jasmine Fancy Green Tea with milk and Stevia. I love the taste and it's something I look forward to most mornings.
I have my shake in which I put:
15mg of resveratol
750mg of l-glutamine
100mg alpha lipoic acid alternating with 500mg NAC
11mg of fiber stuff
4grams whey protein
a little olive leaf extract (until I start to herx)
Milk Thistile Complex
16 ounzes of milk
1 tablespoon liquid vitamin b complex
250mg panthotheic acid
1gram vitamin c powder
Awhile later I take 2 tsp of cod liver oil with 200mg of coq10 and 2-8mg Prozac
Then I inject myself with methylcobalamin (b12)
Tomorrow I'll start off with some cereal and have the protein shake later on.