Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Yesterday I woke up with a one-two punch. I felt very groggy and out of it. I knew something was wrong but in my fogged state couldn't figure it out. Suddenly I remembered that I was really ill. Ugh. A couple seconds later I remembered that my mom was dead. Double ugh. It was a horrible moment. I haven't had that experience since the first few days after my mom died. It was like suddenly discovering the two most awful things in my life had occurred.

Last night I dreamt that I was being chased by something?/someone? It was absolutely out to get me. I tried getting away but knew that no matter what I did it would get me. Later on I dreamt that I was in a car that my mom was driving. I had my ipod on and was somehow listening in on a telephone therapy session that a Jungian analyst was doing. The car that my mom and I were in wasn't on the ground but somehow that was normal. She asked me which way I wanted to go. I said no! I didn't want to be interrupted. Next some sort of disaster occurred. Neither my mom or I were involved but we watched as others ran to help the victims.

I'm having lots of dreams so I've decided to begin recording them here. My psyche is processing a lot.

No news on the Valcyte front. I haven't received the medication yet but expect to within the next week. The next task will be to find a compounding pharmacy that can do what I need.

I've been a little more consistant with meditating. I have a CFS CD that I ordered awhile back. I also downloaded something from Deepak Chopra. Both are good. In one of them Deepak demands that disease leaves the body-I like that one. My dad did visualizations when he had prostate cancer. It helped him so I'm doing them too. Anxiety can be a great motivator.

I'm trying not to freak out when I have heart palpitations. I don't have them as often as I used to but I noticed they have increased since taking those damn chinese herbs. I swear those set me back. I also know that acupuncture is not helping me. I'll return next week to talk to the acupuncturist-I feel I owe him that.

I think I need to readjust what I take when. I'm noticing that after I drink my protein shake filled with supplements that I don't feel very well. It might just be the nature of my biorhythms but it's worth a change. This is my current routine:

Wake up between 5 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. I can never get right out of bed-I'm too tired so I lay there for about 30 minutes.

When I get up I take 2 supplements for my adrenal glands: adrenal cortex and adrenal medulla (bovine). I have to take these on an empty stomach.

Then I have 2 glasses of Peet's Jasmine Fancy Green Tea with milk and Stevia. I love the taste and it's something I look forward to most mornings.

I have my shake in which I put:

500mg acetyl-l-carnitine
15mg of resveratol
5mg d-ribose
750mg of l-glutamine
100mg alpha lipoic acid alternating with 500mg NAC
11mg of fiber stuff
4grams whey protein
a little olive leaf extract (until I start to herx)
Milk Thistile Complex
16 ounzes of milk
1 tablespoon liquid vitamin b complex
250mg panthotheic acid
1gram vitamin c powder

Awhile later I take 2 tsp of cod liver oil with 200mg of coq10 and 2-8mg Prozac

Then I inject myself with methylcobalamin (b12)

Tomorrow I'll start off with some cereal and have the protein shake later on.


  1. Hi CFS warrior,

    Sorry to hear how badly you were affected by the CFS. It's a bad ass thing. I have had something similar for a while, not as bad as you, but it has really affected the quality of my life - lack of sleep, tiredness, anxiety, you name it. However, I did start getting better and know a lot of people whibhave recovered. Still, I am far from being free, I just had a few cold sores lately and there it was all back - the malaise, fluish symptoms, tiredness and worst of all, anxiety and stress. I am seriously thinking of having a go at the LIghtning Process, I know a few people who were bed bound and who recovered using it, I don't believe their 'theory' but I don't care, what they do does seem to do the trick and get you out of the horrible vicious circle.

  2. What a beautiful new blog layout! :)

    You keep fighting, sweetie. And also take some time to enjoy the petunias. :)