Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Distracting Myself

I just spoke with my dad. It was so good to hear his voice. He even made a joke but had to cut the conversation short because he was on his was to the ER. Alarming but not surprising. He should have been hospitalized last night. Blood work ruled out a bladder infection, kidney stones so a CT with contract dye was scheduled for first thing tomorrow morning but he is retaining a lot of fluid. I think there was more going on that they weren't saying simply for lack of time.

I just pray he will be okay. I keep having to pull myself back from the edge of panic. This brings back lots of bad memories that I would rather leave in the past. I love my dad just want him to get better.

So now I wait by the phone for word on what's going on. I wish I was there. I wish I were well enough to get in the car right now and drive up there. It tears me up inside that I can't.

I have witnessed the beauty of life but I have also witnessed its cruelty. I have learned that life has both. I don't like it but there it is.

I have a lot to say but I don't have the brain to communicate it all. It's been a long day filled with worry. I didn't sleep well last night. My body doesn't handle this increase in adrenaline very well so I've increased my cortef temporarily.

I spoke with my doctor today. He's the one in Santa Rosa who specializes in chronic disease. I have babesia and most likely lyme disease. I may also have mycoplasma infection and/or chlamydia pneumonia (no, it's not an STD). My doctor said based on my symptoms that I have babesia which is a tick borne infection. He also thinks I have lyme. Babesia, lyme, mycoplasma (which can also be tick borne), and chlamydia pneumonia are all bacterial infections. This explains the symptoms I've been having since taking the Minocycline and the herbs for babesia. It also explains why I've been getting worse and not better since stopping work in December.

Which brings me to a rant. I am so angry at the person I used to see for acupuncture. I have been bringing up the possibility of lyme disease with him since December. Now this man claims to be a specialist in treating lyme disease and chronic infections. I have been dismissed by him on so many occasions. A couple months ago I practically begged him to start giving me herbs to treat me for lyme disease. He didn't. Even though I have most of the symptoms. Even though it was clear that acupuncture and his herbal treatments weren't working. Even though I continued to deteriorate. It is irresponsible. Had I begun some sort of treatment way back in September when I started seeing him again, I would NOT have gotten this bad.

Every single symptom and indication pointed to lyme disease. At one point after I brought it up for the umpteenth time, he said "well it sure would tie together what's been going on with you." The unspoken sentence was left hanging there "but it's not what's going on with you."

I would not feel so angry at him if he hadn't told me he specialized in this stuff. John has a lot of good qualities and I think he is probably pretty good at acupuncture but will I refer him to anyone? You bet your ass I won't. I think he's a fantastic salesman though. Would I hire him to sell cars for me? You bet. I think he knows how to take a little bit of truth and make generalizations that make him sound better than he is.

More than feeling angry at him though is my anger at myself. It's my health and it's my responsibility and I've had a gut feeling about this for a long time. I just let him talk me out of my truth over and over again. Ultimately, it's my bad. He had a part yes-a big part. But I knew and I didn't listen to myself. That's the kicker for me.


The good news is that I'm on the right treatment. The bad news is it's a rough road. I'll continue with the Minocycline. I'll also continue treating the babesia with herbs for another month and then switch to an antibiotic/anti malarial drug to treat the babesia. The herx from "babs" is very, very rough. It's also a hard bug to kill, as is lyme once it gets entrenched in your system as it has with mine. I'll be starting on collodial silver which is a natural antiviral. This will help knock down the Epstein Barr virus and HHV-6 virus-both of which are still active. It will also help with the babesia.

There is a DVD out that I highly recommend called Under Our Skin. It's about Lyme Disease which is becoming an epidemic in this country. And a deadly one at that. I saw that trailer for it and it looks really good.

my sister is on the phone, gotta go.

1 comment:

babybuddhalover said...

I'm thinking of your Father and pulling for him. I am also SO relieved to hear that this illness has a name. You are strong Terri! You have gotten to a place where the diagnosis is probable. You are going to beat this and camping is in your future! Looking forward to updates.