The past couple nights I've had enough energy to go to Old Navy and purchase a couple things spending very little money while at the same time getting some comfy things to wear around the apt. It always helps. I found a great t-shirt for 3.44.
I think the antibiotics are helping. I'm having many symptoms in response to them including muscle aches (today), swollen glands, mood swings (past week), spaciness, and a huge reduction in my IQ-huge.
For example. Yesterday I decided to take a chance and go to the new Border's to purchase a booklight. I wasn't feeling well but I was also a little restless. I was wearing a pair of flipflops that were new. Because I do almost no activity I have no muscles anymore so wearing them felt a bit challenging (also because my overall weakness physically). When I got into the store I realized I had to go to the bathroom but it was upstairs and to get there I would have to negotiate the escalator with my flip flops. When I was probably 4 years old I saw a woman fall down the escalator. Ever since then I've had some cautiousness when it comes to escalators. I ended up walking around the store for awhile trying to figure out whether or not I wanted to risk it. I was starting to feel dizzy on top of everything else. In the end (no pun intended) my bladder won out so up the escalator I went. I found the bathroom and then realized too late that there was no toilet paper. While sitting there trying to figure out what to do a lady barged-and I mean barged-into the stall. I left the restroom a bit agitated, went downstairs and stood in line to buy the booklight.
While at the cash register I pondered whether or not to tell the guy that there was no toilet paper in the women's restroom. I decided to tell him so I suddenly blurted out "there's no toilet paper in the women's restroom." Clearly uncomfortable he said "I'll tell my manager." I stood there for a few seconds while he struggled with trying to figure out why the booklight wouldn't ring up. I was uncomfortable with the silence and wondered if I had sounded abrupt so I decided to try and make small talk: "It's nice having a Border's here." "Thank-you" he said. I wasn't complementing you. He finally rang up my booklight. Transaction completed. I think I'll try to stop making small talk. It seems I've lost my ability to judge what is appropriate or not. I think it was okay to tell him about the toilet paper.
I'm having some additional symptoms starting yesterday. Some return of night sweats, heart palpitations, and I can't remember what else now. The symptoms match babesia. The whole purpose of this blog was for me to track my symptoms, activity level, and give me a place to vent but I haven't been utilizing it well. I speak to my doctor on Tuesday and want to be prepared. I wonder if I should tell him about the toilet paper.
I'm anxious to see what he thinks about why I'm reacting to the antibiotics. I also feel more hopeful about returning to some level of functioning. I don't know what it will look like but it's nice to have some hope.
I'm doing physical therapy stretches for my shoulder which continues to be ultra painful. I'm trying not to go the vicoden route. I see my primary care doctor on Weds. The problem is that I am awakened by pain every night and I can't sleep on my right side because the pain gets so bad. I have very little range of motion. Next week is a week of medical appointments-two doctor's a physical therapy. I'd rather spend my energy doing something else. I'm realizing how important it is not to be identified as a patient.
Which brings me to Father's Day. I love my dad and would love nothing more than to spend time with him tomorrow. But I can't. It looks like he will be driving down and will be spending it at my sisters house which means everyone will be together and I'll be here. I am not able to make a 35 minute drive much less be out of the house for more than 60-90 minutes at a time. I can't tell you how sad it makes me to know my family is getting together but I can't be there. And it's not like I have a 24 hour flu or even a 5 day flu but it's something that has affected my ability to be out in the world for a long time. I've been trying not to think about it because when I do I want to cry.
I just pray I get a second chance at life.