Thursday, July 17, 2008

Bad Day

I had to be at the psychologist's office by 9:00 a.m. for the "mental exam" for SSDI. I wasn't feeling well. She said at one point "you look really exhausted, sickly, and frail-is this typical for you?" She chattered quite a bit which I found exhausting. Then we did the neuropsych testing. I tried so hard and was alarmed at how badly I did. To see how much my cognitive functioning is affected was difficult. I cried a lot. At the end of the interview she said she was very concerned about my depression and recommended therapy. She added that given what I'm going through the depression is to be expected but she's concerned nevertheless.

When I got to my car I saw I'd gotten a parking ticket. I didn't realize the appointment would last 2 1/2 hours.

There are days when this feels like a nightmare. Having no way to escape it frightens me sometimes. And then there's the deepening sense of isolation and sense of aloneness. I'm spending way too much time by myself. This apartment feels like a ghost town and it saddens me. I don't think anything will survive this illness. Nothing.

I feel very spacey and strange today. The testing wore me out.

I have to figure out how to lessen this sense of isolation.


Anonymous said...


I'm sorry you had a tough day yesterday - I wish I could have gone with you to your appointment. At least it's over, and hopefully you'll get the SSDI (there's GOT to be a silver lining in all of this, right?)

I hope you have a better day today.

Love you!!

Anonymous said...

What a hard day! You are very loved and I wish I could give you a big hug or maybe hide a ketchup covered tampon somewhere in your belongings!