Saturday, October 11, 2008

Feeling Rotten

I can't believe how rotten I feel. My muscles are aching. I have a headache, my sinuses hurt. I'm slightly nauseous and have that agitated exhaustion, the fatigue is horrible, I have shortness of breath, and have that weak feeling. I'm not on any antibiotics so its not a herxeimer reaction.

It must be the virus that has reactivated. I tried all the tricks I know to get my body going today because I wanted to be able to go to my sister and brother-in-laws birthday party.

I had this feeling that if I just pushed myself then I could will myself out of how badly I felt. I thought that maybe going for a walk would help but I barely made it partway down the block before I had to turn around and come home. That's never happened to me before.

I'm filled with dread about everything. The thought of this feeling continuing on and on is dreadful. The thought of this feeling getting worse on antivirals is just as dreadful. And then to have to be on it for six months??!!

I started diflucan to treat the candida from all the antibiotics but I waited until evening because I'll probably experience some die off symptoms from that.

I think this next stretch of treatment is going to be the toughest yet. Once I get the lab results my doctor and I will tackle the viruses. I was hoping I'd be able to avoid this part.

I hate that these headaches are back. It's a headache but worse because it feels like my brain is actually swollen. Oh, and then there's the heart palpitations that are back multiple times daily.

I think the trip to Santa Rosa wore me out plus my immune system is down from the illness itself and beiong on antibiotics for 5 months.

And then there the return of my ingrown toenail. Except its on the opposite foot as the one that had the staph infection and abscess. It's a small thing in the scheme of things but I get freaked out by it. I have to call the podiatrist on Monday. He's going to have to do that procedure to remove the toenail. I don't know how I'm going to make it without fainting given how badly I'm feeling right now. Maybe I could arrange it so I can faint and then he could do the procedure. Just get both of them over with.


  1. don't know how I found your blog, but i appreciate every single word you write. i have cfs and am 35 yrs old...stopped working 4 years ago and got my master's degree in 2000 so i understand the loss you feel. i live in santa rosa but still use the dr. i had in LA. i'll help you out any way that i can. email:

  2. Thank you for this blog. I have cfids and/or other mystery illnesses/viruses as well. It's been almost 5 years now and I am a little better. So have hope! It's great to hear someone talk about the mental aspect of this type of illness. As someone who always prided herself on being calm and practical, I have had a hard time adjusting to my new mental state, which includes anxiety, depressed days, and extreme reactions to stress--heart palpitations, shaking, headache and dizziness. It helps just to know I'm not alone. Stay positive and keep blogging! H.L.

  3. I agree -- keep blogging! It's so valuable to know what's going on on the inside with an illness like this. You are helping people and you will GET BETTER. You are an inspiration and a model of strength through adversity.