Someone who also has cfids shared with me her definition of faith:
"A long perseverance in the same direction".
This mold journey is daunting. The good news is we got the apartment. Thank goodness. Only 3.5 weeks left in this moldy place. The landlords here were great. We provided them with a copy of the mold report. They will refund the full deposit. They have been great landlords, just not very diligent about mold. But now they have a report saying there is toxic mold and bacteria in the walls so hopefully they will do a remediation so the next tenant won't have to suffer.
I've been communicating with a few other mold patients. These guys know their mold stuff. It hasn't been easy to take in what they say. They are advising to either toss, sell, or put everything in storage and slowly bring items into the new apartment to see what my reaction is. If I react, the item gets tossed. It makes sense and it would be nice to do this the right way in order to give me the best chance of healing. It's very confusing. I don't want to believe that nothing from this apartment is safe. I'm not materialistic. I find meaning in things other than material things with the exception of cool electronics. There are some things which are here that have a lot of meaning to me though-like my mom's antiques, my books, my dissertation, and a few other things. They are recommending we even get rid of the bed. It's hard to wrap my mind around. We can't afford to replace all this stuff. I guess non-porous materials are safe.
So I'm in the process of trying to find out other solid sources of information to see if it's necessary to be that radical. And this in the face of no guarantee that I'll improve. I have a feeling I'll gain some improvement.
I watched a series of videos that Dr. Shoemaker made. He's doctor who has written extensively about mold. His website is biotoxin.com. It was really interesting and a little frightening to think of the damage that has been done to my body while living here. I have all the signs, including lab tests, of mold poisoning. It would explain my shortness of breath too. I don't think it will be a cure but it lift a big load from my body.
Right now I'm in a big crash. I can barely get out of bed I'm so fatigued. Too much stress-emotional and physical. Last night I was talking to a neighbor and suddenly felt like I was going to faint. I had to sit down quickly. I felt rude because she was in the middle of telling a personal story but I figured sitting down suddenly would be better than scaring her by fainting. Sitting didn't work so I told her I was dizzy and immediately went inside. I laid down on the couch and broke out into a cold sweat. While laying on the couch I could smell mold so I forced myself into the toxic bedroom. I felt weak and shaky the rest of the night.
The people who have practiced mold avoidance have had rather dramatic recoveries. One woman was bedbound and needed help going to the bathroom and eating. It turned out she had toxic mold. She and her husband left sold their house and left all their belongings behind. Though she still struggles with cfids she is able to get out of the house and go hike in the mountains.
Meanwhile I continue my journey of long perseverence in the same direction.