Sunday, November 23, 2008

In a Bad Crash

Bedbound for the day. And it's not the time for it. My muscles ache, I feel weak, and beyond fatigued. So I'm doing what I know I must in the hopes of bouncing back to the meager level of functionality I had. I'm staying in bed or laying on the couch. Not that I really have a choice but it's nice fooling myself into thinking I could do something if I really wanted to. I can't. Just making my protein shake exhausted me.

I'm guessing it's a combination of inhaling mycotoxins that have been stirred up from sorting and packing yesterday. Not that I did much but I did a lot for me.

We are slowly getting rid of our possessions. I'm having trouble getting rid of my books and papers. I'm hoping there is a way they can be cleaned or salvaged somehow. It's taken me years to get this collection of books. I'm afraid of getting rid of books almost like it's symbolically saying I'm giving up. I still have small hopes of maybe teaching or at least writing though on days like today it's hard to hang onto those.

Smells are nauseating, sounds are too much, I have a slight buzzing in my ears (is that the mold, the lyme, or something else). I have a new symptom that has started where I feel like I have something in my throat right where I'm guessing my Thyroid is. It's very disconcerting and raises my anxiety. I was too afraid to mention this to my doctor though I will mention it at my next appointment.

There are so many decisions to make, so much to do and I'm so deeply fatigued.

1 comment:

Renee said...

Oh, I am so sorry you are struggling so much. Moving when a person has CFS or other devastating illnesses is so hard. Just making decisons is hard enough. Hope your rest time on the sofa or in bed gives you enough strength for the next step....and the baby step after another.