I hardly slept last night so already my day was off to a bad start. About 90 minutes after taking my dose of Valcyte I began to experience horrible anxiety. I really can't describe what it was like. I couldn't relax and my calf muscle felt like it did when my back went out prior to needing an urgent back surgery. Of course, those thoughts didn't help ease my anxiety.
I'd been invited to celebrate a friends birthday while watching Obama's inagauration something I'd been looking forward to for awhile (seeing my friends and the inagauration). My anxiety eased up enough to go for a walk. One would think that going for a walk would be just what I should do to manage the anxiety but it wasn't like that. I was a bit dizzy and lightheaded at times along with the anxiety and was having increased brain fog as well so I didn't trust myself to go outdoors and not pass out.
I went out for a 10 minute walk thankful that I wasn't feeling as bad. I got home to two messages from one of my friends. The first was letting me know where and when to meet them. The second was canceling altogether. Then I got an email saying their phone was down and canceling again. I'm so confused but I'm remembering feelings of high school and being dissed. I'm bummed about it but trying not to dwell. I like seeing people who knew me when I was well. Somehow this seems to bring home the point that I'm ill.
I also got a response from my doctor's office. I'd sent them an email describing what occurred today. My CFIDS doctor says to stop the Valcyte, restart it Sunday and let them know how I'm doing on Monday. Although it's probably a good idea to restart since I had such an intense reaction, part of me wants to just power through this and get it over with. I don't want any more delays. But today was pretty horrible so I'll follow his instructions.
Sometimes this journey feels so lonely.