Sunday, January 25, 2009
That's the word that comes to mind today as I experience another episode similar to what I did on Tuesday.
I can't find words to describe it. It's like I have all the signs of being on the verge of a panic attack only I feel very removed and far away from everything. Add in a little nausea.
I would like to be able to find the words to describe this experience but my brain feels far away. I feel almost outside my body and can't find anyway to feel grounded.
I have a general sense of feeling unwell.
The only thing I can do is endure this experience and trust it will pass.
Yesterday I spoke to someone who is doing their dissertation on CFIDS. He attended the same school I did in the same program. There was one point where I was described what it was like to give up my practice and I could barely contain my tears. This deep sense of sadness welled up in me. I'm glad to participate in the study but I have to admit it was painful to be talking to someone just embarking on the dissertation journey as full of hope and promise that I was a few years ago.
I'm trying my hardest to endure this journey. I don't like it one bit though. Hopefully it will pay off.
me/cfs warrior at 2:58 PM