I made it through the first week. In reality it's going to get much tougher but one of my strengths is a sense of determination and perseverance.
Yesterday as I described yesterday I had the awful anxiety like sensation which was followed by pretty severe muscle aches last night. It was bearable.
Today I've experienced a deepening sense of fatigue but it's been a peaceful fatigue rather than an agitated one.
I made it out for a 12 minute slow walk absolutely delighting in the discovery of a beautiful flower or feeling moved by a stranger's sincere smile. It's the small things that give me a sense of joy. Because my pace is so slow and my fatigue so deep I was happy to stop and look at the beautiful yellow dahlia, or watch with a sense of joy at a hummingbird drinking the nectar of a flower.
I got home and felt as if I'd run six miles. I got in bed and read a bit but found it difficult to concentrate. I was so tired I finally let my eyes close. I heard the phone ring in the other room and from some far away place in my mind I thought I should get up and get that but couldn't. And I didn't care.
I spoke with my SSDI attorney today to give him my new address and let him know about Dr. Kliman's death. I asked if there were any way to speed up getting a trial date. He said there's a new law called the compassionate law that allows one to request a speedier court date but the judge who oversees that part is "bad" so he only wants to send "slam dunk" cases to that judge.
It's a crazy system. Absolutely crazy. This is the first time since I've been 16 years old where I have no income. Whenever I start I worry about it I push it away. Being on Valcyte with an illness like CFIDS is similar to being on chemotherapy. I have to avoid stress/worry, and germs. I can't be around anyone who is sick or getting sick. Rest is also a number one priority.
I do think everything will work out okay. It always has in the past. I just have to relax into that knowledge.
My doctor emailed me with the results of my CBC and CMP. Everything "looks perfectly normal" so I will continue on with the Valcyte.