I'm feeling a bit stronger than I have for a couple years which is great news. I have a long, long ways to go but I'm feeling a little encouraged. I feel very protective of this emerging strength.
I'm finding that I'm also rather terrified of what's ahead of me because I know what its going to look like. It's interesting to be feeling a little better because I'm realizing how alone I am and how absolutely not at home with myself I am. I also realize the absolute need to makes changes in my life that will support my emerging strength, enhance my sense of spirituality, and feel a sense of peace. Because of how sick I've been and prior to that all my efforts went towards completing my PhD on top of working full-time etc...I neglected friendships and let my support system go. I don't know how to go about making new friends when I have such limitations regarding energy etc...but find that I desperately need to establish a support system.
I'm also re-evaluating every aspect of my life. I realize that I have little tolerance for certain behaviors and little physical tolerance for a certain level of stress. I have no patience for people who have zero insight, refuse to accept responsibility for their behavior, are blaming, and have no desire to understand or take into account the fact that I'm this ill.
I feel like I have changed as a result of this illness and certain things that used to be okay with me no longer are. I can't pretend that certain things don't bother me, I no longer want to sacrifice my own values just to maintain certain relationships. I have reconnected with my desire to live, reconnect with a sense of soul and being in the world that I used to have but got drained out of me because of a certain level of stress that comes with hearing over and over again that my perceptions and/or aren't valid, aren't accurate or get corrected and minimized.
Anyway, due to the next phase of my reflections and journey as well as other reasons, I'm going to limit who has access to this blog. I want to make sure I stay in contact with the people who read my blog regularly so I'm assuming that if your on my list of followers you'll still have access to my blog?
I wanted to provide some warning about the blog change and my reasons for doing so. So if you are wanting to have access to my blog I guess it might be a good idea to add your name to the followers list (unless anyone knows differently and can tell me this works).
I just tried making this blog private but can't figure out how to do it. Does anybody know?
Peace and Health to All