I'm laying here listening to my cousin's music. I think his music is really good and I don't say that because he's my cousin but because its just really good. He's going to be playing in San Jose next Thursday. I wish I could go but this stupid illness...
The past couple days I've been feeling well, "not right" is all I can think of to describe it-like something isn't right neurologically maybe. I've also been getting anxiety spikes and the depression came roaring back. I think maybe the depression is a combination of many things-a byproduct of the toxins, having a chronic illness, all the uncertainty the illness brings, Valcyte, and a sense of profound grief at having lost what was my life.
I realized after I posted Tuesday that I am on too many medications. I checked all of them in an online drug interaction checker and found that they all can interact negatively with each other. Surprisingly there were no drug interactions with Valcyte. I decided to stop the Amantadine and the Lamictal last night. Both can contribute to insomnia. Amantadine and Doxepine can cause anti cholinergic syndrome. Because none of the medications seem to be helping I'm going to slowly eliminate the rest of them. I want to get rid of the Doxepin as that can interact with just too many things. I'll find something else to use for sleep. I'll be done with Valcyte in 28 days thank goodness. It feels good to take some action regarding the medications. It can't be good for my body to be on that many meds.
I woke up today feeling extra exhausted and weak but I don't feel as bad as I have the past couple days. Weds I got up from the couch and within three steps thought I was going to pass out. Luckily I made it back to the couch but it frightened me. The way I've felt the past couple days has also frightened me. I've been having bouts of pretty bad stomach pain so I guess I'm developing an ulcer. Also, the headache I thought was gone came back. I've got to find a local doctor.
I finally got referred to the cardiologist. That office (the cardiologist) worked very hard getting the nurse to follow through with multiple phone calls and apparently some heavy confrontation. I think they raised some heck at my doctor's office. Anyway, the cardiologists are booked out until August but they consider my situation to be urgent to I have an appointment on June 22 with an actual cardiologist for one hour. I'm grateful to have the appointment. My last echocardiogram and 24 hour holtor monitor was done by a technician and computer. I never met with a cardiologist to go over my symptoms. This time I get to meet a cardiologist.
I found a conference I want to attend in San Francisco. It's in one year and I plan on being well enough to attend. Its going to be about Carl Jung's never before published Redbook which contains his later theories. I can't wait. I was doing a little reading on dreams today and was able to feel that same sense of passion and fascination I have for this subject especially the way Jung approaches dreams.
I desperately need some good sleep-something I haven't had in a couple of weeks now. My downstairs neighbor for some reason stomps through the apartment and it feels like somene is pounding on the walls. It is quite jarring to my nervous system. Even though I wear earplugs I've been woken up for the past three days with her stomping. I don't understand how someone can walk so loudly. I got so frustrated yesterday that I got up and did some stomping myself. I found myself following the sound of her stomping through the apt matching her stomps with mine. Mature, huh? It was satisfying and, I found the secret to her stomping. You walk really forcefully leading with your heel. I can't ask her to walk differently but I can stomp with her. They are conscientious about sound which I'm grateful for but the stomping is really difficult for me to deal with sometimes.