Where do I begin? I haven't blogged because I've been trying to absorb the latest news. One of our kitties has been diagnosed with terminal mammary duct cancer. The tumor is very large which means the cancer has spread. I asked the vet how long she has and the vet said "it depends. maybe months but she doesn't have a year." Its heartbreaking. This kitty (Tiger Lily) is so full of love. Her favorite things are laps (which equals love to her), food, and milk. She has a pure, innocent heart.
So there's me with my illness, Katie with chronic renal failure (I've been blessed that she is relatively stable-knock on wood), and now Tiger Lily.
These little beings have been my constant companions for the past two years since becoming ill. I've spent more time with them than anyone else so they are a big part of my world.
My anxiety has really increased, my nerves are shot, and I'm so terribly sad.
So I find myself once again in this weird relationship with time where, on the one hand I want time to pass quickly in terms of finishing Valcyte, getting on with other treatments, etc...but on the other hand I want time to standstill so that Tiger Lily will always be here.
Its been hard to focus on anything else or even write.
I just have to say how much I hate cancer-it took my mom at a young age, it took my cousin at a young age, my dad has prostate cancer and chronic lymphatic leukemia, it took my kitty Amelia, and now this little kitty has to suffer with it.
I had the Tilt Table Test on Thursday and passed. I was surprised as I was certain I would fail it. The cardiologist spoke to me afterwards and said it still doesn't rule out Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome and said there was a significant change in my heart rate upon standing. I watched my blood pressure and heart rate each time the blood pressure cuff took its measurements. Laying down it averaged 88 beats per minute. Standing it went as high as 128 at one point but seemed to average around 105 beats per minute. My blood pressure was borderline high averaging about 141/92. It would drop, go up , go down and seemed like it was all over the place although the lowest it ever dropped was around 112/76. The doctor said I needed to increase my fluid and salt intake. Thanks to Sue Jackson's advice I've already been doing that although I need to drink V-8 every day. He also said to not stand in one place for very long and be careful when I get up.
I'm not sure what to think. I was hoping that I'd be able to take something that would increase my functioning. I said to the cardiologist I really want to be able to drive on the freeway again or drive without worrying about fainting. He said the next step would be to consult with a neurologist.
I did fine on Thursday and then crashed. I have all the symptoms of POTS. I'll talk to my CFS doctor about what's next in terms of the heart rate stuff.
So its been a rough go of it these past few days. I'll post a more thorough update on things once I feel a little better emotionally.