I met Bobby during a job interview in 1993. We clicked and became fast, close friends spanning the next 15 years and bridging various tragedies that beset each of us. He and I worked together,went to grad school, did our pre-doc hours together, and hung out together. He was one of the people in my life who had a great impact on me. He and I cried on each other's shoulders as various relationships would come and go. We laughed together a lot which is something I treasured. We were like sister and brother, best friends, and often joked that if we were straight we would have been married. Bobby is the one who introduced me to my PhD program that we attended together. He was there through my mom's illness and death.
He was also a recovering heroin addict. He relapsed on heroin and I lost contact with him. After becoming sick I began to search for him. I wanted to reconnect with him and prayed that he'd found his way back into the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous again. My attempts to search for him were futile.
This morning I woke up, checked Facebook-was pleased to see people had made friend requests, then checked my other email. There was an email from one of Bobby's friends saying Bobby had been found murdered on July, 28. Whoosh-was the sound I felt as the air was sucked out my my lungs and then my heart fell in pieces to the floor. I haven't been able to stop crying.
Knowing Bobby as deeply as I did makes the way he died even more tragic-at the hands of his lover who then killed himself. Both of them were using crack and heroin.
Next to losing my mom and getting sick, this is a biggie for me. I loved Bobby and missed him terribly after we lost touch. I had looked for him on Facebook but he wasn't there either.
I have phone numbers of people to contact about his death but I can't make the call until I know I won't cry on the phone.
I actually can't talk to anyone right now. The most I can do is write in this blog and hope the sick feeling in my stomach goes away and then hope I can reach out to people because I really need it right now.
After my mom died I'd found a quote by Elizabeth Kuhbler-Ross:
You will not grow if you sit in a beautiful flower garden, But you will grow if you are sick, If you are in pain, if you experience losses, And if you do not put your head in the sand, But take the pain as a gift to you with a very, very specific purpose.
I wish I could have one last hug and one last laugh with my dear friend.