Monday, August 3, 2009

Slices of Heaven

I've had a really great week. I've had enough energy to be able to see people I haven't seen in years-specifically my cousins Katie and David. All of my cousins mean the world to me so seeing them was wonderful. Deep in my being I felt like I was home just being around them. Today my dad, LuAnn, and my sister came over for a couple hours. It was wonderful to see them. I haven't seen my dad or LuAnn since April. Last Tuesday my sister picked me up and brought me to see a medium who communicates with the "spirit world." His name is Bill Coller and he travels around the world to do this. He's from Scotland and had a great Scottish brogue. It was great to see him as well as spend time with my sister in the car (it was about an hour's drive). I also met with a couple people from the area that have ME/CFS. This time there was a new person but two others were feeling too sick to come. It was great to get together with others like me. We'll meet again in two weeks.

I joined Facebook and reconnected with three close friends from high school and college and another close friend from grad school. I've exchanged emails from two of them. Reconnecting with this friend from high school has been surprisingly moving and emotional.

For various reasons I've dropped out of contact with some pretty special people in my life. It's a bad character flaw that has its roots in fear. I've lived so much of my life from a fearful place. I've had to overcome a lot to get where I got to in my old life but I'm not proud of the ways I've acted because I've been afraid. I'm deeply grateful that I've been back in contact with people.

This illness has been relentless in the ways it has made me face all the ugly truths about myself. Being housebound and unable to distract myself with being busy has been intensely painful but also a blessing bearing gifts. One of those gifts is a feeling of courage in pockets inside myself where previously only fear existed.

In terms of treatments, I'm starting to feel the Valcyte yuck again. I'm not noticing anything from the VIP treatment yet but my doctor said it takes two weeks to see if it will help. I've had to slow down on nebulizing the glutathione because I think I was starting to detox a little too fast. Yesterday and today I've felt like I have a virus.

I don't know what's ahead but this past week has felt like I've experienced a little slice of heaven everyday.

In peace and wellness-


Jo said...

One of the gifts of CFS for me is that I've had to stop running from myself. I'm sure the stress of living in almost permanent fear and anxiety is what burned me out.

It's fantastic to reconnect with people, starting from a different place in youself. Sounds like recovery to me.

There are some really positive posts around at the moment. Maybe it's in the air.

All the best.

At Home on the Rock... said...

That's wonderful Terri! It does sound like you've a really good week. I so know what you mean (once again) about living most of your life from a place of fear and then having CFS and not being able to be busy. It's so freeing though to come through that experience.

I hope you continue to experience just as much improvement over the weeks ahead.

Hugs to you!!

Pris said...

Aren't those weeks gifts?? My college friend comes today until Friday.Visits tire me, but they were impossible for years so I'm happy.

And hiding from ourselves with this illness.

Renee said...

What a wonderful week you have had. So happy for you. I too identify with what you said about living from a place of fear and anxiety and needing to come through that to the other side. Sure hope things continue to move forward for you on your healing journey. Exciting!