Today is my birthday or the tail end of it. It's been a good one. Sometimes I use certain dates to mark growth or, now that I'm ill with this, periods of recovery. Two years ago I hadn't been diagnosed and I was so frightened because I knew something was terribly wrong. We spent that weekend up at my dad's. I could not stay awake. I remember standing out on their deck which had been warmed by the sun and saying I have to take a nap right now so I laid down on the deck and fell sound asleep.
Last year I was too ill to do anything outside the apartment. The past two years have been filled with confusion, despair, grief, shock, fear, and denial.
I feel like I have survived and am surviving a huge trauma. I might be severely ill with this but I am surviving and I'm rebuilding my life. I have met some incredibly kind people and I treasure my fellow blogging buddies. I really don't know how I would have survived without all of your collective wisdom, suggestions, and guidance. For that I am deeply grateful.
I'd like to spend this next year practicing gratitude, forgiveness, continuing to work on my spirituality, and letting myself off the hook for getting ill.
Today I was able to go out and do some things, a marked improvement from last year.