Tuesday, October 6, 2009


Today is my birthday or the tail end of it. It's been a good one. Sometimes I use certain dates to mark growth or, now that I'm ill with this, periods of recovery. Two years ago I hadn't been diagnosed and I was so frightened because I knew something was terribly wrong. We spent that weekend up at my dad's. I could not stay awake. I remember standing out on their deck which had been warmed by the sun and saying I have to take a nap right now so I laid down on the deck and fell sound asleep.

Last year I was too ill to do anything outside the apartment. The past two years have been filled with confusion, despair, grief, shock, fear, and denial.

I feel like I have survived and am surviving a huge trauma. I might be severely ill with this but I am surviving and I'm rebuilding my life. I have met some incredibly kind people and I treasure my fellow blogging buddies. I really don't know how I would have survived without all of your collective wisdom, suggestions, and guidance. For that I am deeply grateful.

I'd like to spend this next year practicing gratitude, forgiveness, continuing to work on my spirituality, and letting myself off the hook for getting ill.

Today I was able to go out and do some things, a marked improvement from last year.


  1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

    I'm glad you got to do a few things on your birthday. It sounds like things are a bit better at the moment...
    That's great!

    Your plan for this next year sounds like a good one.

    Best of luck with it all.

    Treya x : )

  2. Yes, Happy Birthday and all the best with the next part of your journey.

    I got much, much worse after diagnosis just over a year ago. I can relate to what you say about shock, grief, despair and so on. Apparently a lot of people get worse after diagnosis. It's all part of the acceptance process.

    I know recovery is possible. We may never be the same again, but we may be even better.

    Like you, I find blogging invaluable support. So thanks to you for being part of that.

  3. Glad you had a lovely birthday and hopefully each one will be better than the last as you learn to manage your illness.

  4. Glad you were able to get out yesterday, Terri!! I hope you had a great day. Love you!!

  5. Hope you had a wonderful birthday! What a great post, too. It captures what many of us feel.

  6. Happy Birthday, Terri May your coming year be one of deep healing and an abundance of blessings!
    I like your goals for this yaar too. They sound so right and a good place to find yourself while managing the illnesses that are such a big part of our lives.

    Glad you were able to go out and do a few things! Wonderful..

  7. Happy belated birhday!

    I was one who was worse from the beginning but am so much better now than I was. My honest opinion re what helped most? Klonipin to settle my overreactions to sound, light, any stimulation including the computer; a doctor who MADE me believe I could heal; probiotics to take the fight against yeast off my immune system, and time.

    You're indeed a warrier...a gentle one.


    I also like to look back at milestones. It helps to put things in perspective, doesn't it?

    So glad you were able to enjoy this birthday more than the past two - that's progress!


  9. Thank you all for the birthday wishes! It means a lot. I feel like we have been on a journey together.

    You are all awesome, courageous, wonderful people...