Tuesday, October 6, 2009


Today is my birthday or the tail end of it. It's been a good one. Sometimes I use certain dates to mark growth or, now that I'm ill with this, periods of recovery. Two years ago I hadn't been diagnosed and I was so frightened because I knew something was terribly wrong. We spent that weekend up at my dad's. I could not stay awake. I remember standing out on their deck which had been warmed by the sun and saying I have to take a nap right now so I laid down on the deck and fell sound asleep.

Last year I was too ill to do anything outside the apartment. The past two years have been filled with confusion, despair, grief, shock, fear, and denial.

I feel like I have survived and am surviving a huge trauma. I might be severely ill with this but I am surviving and I'm rebuilding my life. I have met some incredibly kind people and I treasure my fellow blogging buddies. I really don't know how I would have survived without all of your collective wisdom, suggestions, and guidance. For that I am deeply grateful.

I'd like to spend this next year practicing gratitude, forgiveness, continuing to work on my spirituality, and letting myself off the hook for getting ill.

Today I was able to go out and do some things, a marked improvement from last year.


Treya said...


I'm glad you got to do a few things on your birthday. It sounds like things are a bit better at the moment...
That's great!

Your plan for this next year sounds like a good one.

Best of luck with it all.

Treya x : )

Jo said...

Yes, Happy Birthday and all the best with the next part of your journey.

I got much, much worse after diagnosis just over a year ago. I can relate to what you say about shock, grief, despair and so on. Apparently a lot of people get worse after diagnosis. It's all part of the acceptance process.

I know recovery is possible. We may never be the same again, but we may be even better.

Like you, I find blogging invaluable support. So thanks to you for being part of that.

At Home on the Rock... said...

Happy Birthday, Terri!

Laurel said...

Happy belated birthday!!!

Joanne said...

Glad you had a lovely birthday and hopefully each one will be better than the last as you learn to manage your illness.

Anonymous said...

Glad you were able to get out yesterday, Terri!! I hope you had a great day. Love you!!

Shelli said...

Hope you had a wonderful birthday! What a great post, too. It captures what many of us feel.

Renee said...

Happy Birthday, Terri May your coming year be one of deep healing and an abundance of blessings!
I like your goals for this yaar too. They sound so right and a good place to find yourself while managing the illnesses that are such a big part of our lives.

Glad you were able to go out and do a few things! Wonderful..

Pris said...

Happy belated birhday!

I was one who was worse from the beginning but am so much better now than I was. My honest opinion re what helped most? Klonipin to settle my overreactions to sound, light, any stimulation including the computer; a doctor who MADE me believe I could heal; probiotics to take the fight against yeast off my immune system, and time.

You're indeed a warrier...a gentle one.

Sue Jackson said...


I also like to look back at milestones. It helps to put things in perspective, doesn't it?

So glad you were able to enjoy this birthday more than the past two - that's progress!


cfswarrior said...

Thank you all for the birthday wishes! It means a lot. I feel like we have been on a journey together.

You are all awesome, courageous, wonderful people...