Friday, January 29, 2010

Back to Basics

I'm trying something new with adjusting the settings of my blog to private just to see how it feels.

I'm a bit discouraged because it seems I've been in a decline since October. I keep waiting for a return to my previous baseline functioning but so far it remains as elusive as a butterfly. I haven't been pushing myself because I've spent the past 2 plus months in bed for 20 hours per day. It must be the fact that I've had to severely restrict my diet to avoid the upper right side quadrant pain. In spite of eating about 1000 calories per day (I'm completely sedentary) I'd say I've lost a good 30 plus pounds at this point and still losing. I've added Ensure just to get more calories. It tastes great but doesn't make me feel all that great because it has a lot of sugar in it but also 230 calories and nutrients both of which I need.

My endoscopy is Tuesday at 8:00 a.m. I'm nervous about it and have been going in and out of fear at what might be going on. I haven't a clue. I keep thinking of what Toni said in her comments and it helps.

I'm working on dealing with my ever growing anxiety so I'm back to listening to relaxation exercises, get my body to calm down.

I've stopped all treatments except for Famvir, hydrocortisone, thryroid med, sleep meds, and calcium/magnesium supplements until I find out what's going on.

I'm trying to do some work on my attitude. I feel zero sense of spirituality and it what I most want and need right now. So I downloaded a bunch of guided imagery from itunes in the hopes that it will reawaken a spiritual sense as well as a sense of meaning.

I don't know that I'll post again prior to the endoscopy but I'll keep you all posted on the results if I get them that day....

Peace and Health to All...


Toni said...

Hi Terri,

Since my words were helpful, I'm going to tell you again how it was for me. Twenty years ago when I had this kind of anesthetic it was like being hit by a truck. But now I've had this "twilight sleep" anesthetic they use twice (once for the endoscopy and once for a colonoscopy). It was so incredibly gentle. They just let it go through the IV drip slowly and you just feel good. I felt no discomfort at all after the endoscopy (after the colonoscopy there was some bloating). They told me that I might forget things I said in the half hour or so after the stuff wore off and that proved to be the case (you'll need to have someone drive you home).

When I look at all the struggles you've been through the past year, I honestly feel that this endoscopy is going to be a breeze, Terri. Please try not to worry about it.


Lori said...

Hi Terri,
I'll add to what Toni said. My daughter, Jessie, has had two endoscopies, one when she was 15 and another this year (16). She did great with both. In fact, when it was over we went straight out to get some breakfast. She took it easy the rest of the day, but it was a breeze.

All my best,

Sue Jackson said...

Oh, Terri, I'm sorry to hear you're still struggling so much. I could relate to the start of this post - I, too, have been in a relapse since October and wondering if I'll ever get back to where I was before...but I'm no where near as incapacitated as you are, so I won't complain.

You are in my thoughts and my prayers. I hope that your endoscopy goes well and you get some answers to put your mind at ease.


Joanne said...

Good luck lets hope they find some answers for you.

Jo said...

This must be scary. Someone told me when I was fearful once that it was OK to be scared. It really helped, so I shall say the same to you - it's ok to be scared, it's a scary thing. It's the unknown, but not for much longer.

I'll be thinking of you on Tuesday. Take care.

Pris said...

I'm so glad to hear from you, Terri. It's good to know that on Tuesday you'll have more information about what's going on and we're all hoping that information is 'no problem there'. Relapses are so difficult, esp when you know that another health problem is involved, too.

Do you have any family nearby to help you with groceries or drive you to appointments when needed? You've not mentioned anyone, so I'm concerned about that.

You're in my thoughts.

Renee said...

Hi Terri
Just wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers as you go in for this test. All will be well ~ God is with you. Sorry you have been losing so much weight. Goodness!
You have had such a tough time in the past few months. Hopefully this will give you direction!
Jo is so right, some things are scary and especially the unknown. So glad Toni could explain it all to you. That will help somewhat I am sure.
Keeping you lifted up...

Robyn said...

I just wanted to add my encouragement to that of our fellow CFS bloggers! I've added you to my prayer list, and my thoughts are with you. We all know how disheartening long-winded relapses are, not to mention how scary a new medical problem is (esp. since it's so hard to decipher sometimes from a baseline of various mysterious medical ailments). I really hope that your endoscopy goes well and that they find a way to make you feel better soon! I'm sure you've heard this suggestion before, but when I'm doing particularly poorly, it helps me to keep a gratitude journal. Writing down 5 things that I'm thankful for is hard at first when I'm feeling frustrated with my body/life, but after a few days it always really helps me to focus on the good things because, really, there is always SOME good. I hope that you find something positive to focus on to pull you through such dark times! We don't really know each other, in the real world sense, but if you ever need someone to talk to who understands, feel free to shoot me a line via email or over at my blog-- I'm more than willing to stand by a fellow patient, especially when life just seems to keep throwing you curveballs! Peace and love to you, Terri.


Kati said...

Terri, I just read this post, and by now your procedure is well over with, I hope it went well and that they managed to find causes for your pain.

Know that you're not alone with this.
Take good care and take it easy. Kati

Anonymous said...

Hi, I was wondering if you are trying organic, high-nutrient superfoods such as "Green Vibrance," or "Living Fuel," or juicing organic vegetables, wheatgrass, etc. All have helped me tremendously, they are all naturally healing and help oxygenate the blood. Must-try! The body can heal itself.

Pris said...

The above comment came in my email. Do I ever hate spam and sales comments, especially with no name attached.