I'm puzzled as to what is happening in my body. I went in Tuesday morning for the lung functioning tests. The people at the hospital were so kind. The respiratory therapist grew up in the same area I did, although we didn't settle in the area until I was in 4th grade due to my Dad being in the Air Force. It was fun to talk about how things were back then and nice to meet someone from the same area.
I was only a little nervous until she weighed me. My weight has dropped to 114 pounds (I'm 5'8 1/2). And that's fully clothed with shoes on. Once I saw my weight had dropped again my anxiety increased.
The only thing I can think of is that I'd eliminated Ensure and Boost drinks due to cost. I was drinking 2-3 per day so as to increase my caloric intake in the hopes I would put on weight. I've lost so much muscle and can't seem to get it back. I'm basically skin and bones at this point. I can't afford to lose anymore weight. I went to the store after the test and bought some Ensure. It's $11.88 for six bottles.
The test itself wasn't bad. She said that the diffusion capacity looked good but I had to wonder about her silence regarding the other test. She had me repeat that part 7 times. I know the test is supposed to be repeated a minimum of 3 times but forget why.
When I left I looked back at her to say goodbye. The expression on her face caught me off guard. It was a mixture of sadness and concern. I don't know if it was because of my circumstances or whether she could sense how alone and sad I feel or what but it had me wondering a little about whether one part of the lung function test was abnormal.
Yesterday I woke up feeling that tightness in my chest again but also had a mild case of vertigo. I went to sit down and couldn't figure out spatially where I was so I started to fall forward but caught myself. At one point I felt faint and nauseated so I laid down for awhile.
The shortness of breath this morning was a bit worse. Coughing made it worse for reasons I don't understand. I can feel the congestion or inflammation or whatever it is. After I'd cough I'd have a tiny bit of difficulty breathing and would feel anxious and wished I had an inhaler. Is this allergies, asthma or what? I really hope its not COPD or Pulmonary Fibrosis.
I've also been nursing a toothache for awhile. I'd been gargling with warm salt water and then colloidal silver but it hasn't helped. It hurts to bite down on part of the tooth. I do not have dental insurance. I tried researching dental plans last night but was too exhausted to concentrate for long. I have no idea if its worth it to purchase it or not. Some have lengthy wait periods.
I'm having that crushing exhaustion and had to cancel therapy as well as social plans again. I cried. This stupid illness keeps getting in the way of my attempts to develop local friends.
Last night I was panicking about money. A root canal plus crown can cost as much as $1800 or more. I don't know how much the lung functioning testing will cost me. I kept having to calm myself down and tried to tell myself that somehow this will all work out.
The brakes on my car need replacing. The brake light keeps coming on. I live too far from a bus stop to walk plus its not in a safe area.
There are so many people who are in the same financial predicament as I am. Many are worse off. I'm extremely grateful for what I do have but its definitely not the life I had planned. I'm going to make the best out of my life regardless. I just wish it were easier. I wish this illness was recognized. If it were I'd be able to go to a local doctor and actually get help instead of being brushed off.
I'm sure this is all related to M.E. At least I hope it is.
It has taken me quite awhile to adjust to my financial situation. I don't know the tricks to save money yet but I'm trying to learn. If I could I'd go to the dental school in San Francisco but SF is more than 4 miles away.
While things are a bit tough at the moment I know this too shall pass. What I need is some way to bring in money. I have an idea which involves building a website. One challenging thing for me is to ask for help. I've gotten better at it but its still tough.
I am enjoying Autumn here though. The temperature has been perfect. Just warm enough but not too warm. I fell asleep in the sun yesterday.